Dear Friends,
I know I haven't written in a very long time and I apologize. I would go to this page every couple weeks or so and think about what I could write about. It then occurred to me after many failed attempts that I really had nothing to say. Things here had gotten so… negative. When I first arrived in Chennai, every day was an adventure. Every day I would wake up feeling inspired, excited, motivated to teach, sing, and use my creative ideas in a positive way to build this institution. And I have felt like that every year - until now. I realized this year that I had done everything I could do to change this place and that there was nothing more I could do or say. This institution won't change for the better unless some very specific key things happen that most likely won't. I came to the end of my tether about a month ago and realized I had some important decisions to make.
All I know is this: I strive every day to make a difference. I strive every day to be honest and fight for what's good. I strive every day to build system and protocol that provides accountability and justice. I have tried for the past three and a half years to be the best teacher, the best friend, the best guru, the best leader, and the best therapist, but I have not received even a small slice of appreciation for it - rather the opposite. This entire experience has made me realize that people in India don't like to see you succeed, and when they feel threatened by you, they start creating fictitious rumors, politics, and drama against you that are baseless and random. I have also realized in this experience that some people just live in an alternate universe of irrationality - one that they have lived in their whole lives. For these people, logic and reason are just as erroneous as seeing a dog fly. Thankfully, Mr. Boss doesn't believe everything he hears, has a good heart, and understands when someone is genuinely trying to do good in the world.
I have been working on an idea for the past few months that may prove to be quite fruitful – creating and running my own opera/performance company in India. I have discussed it with Rahman and he’s on board. Once I confirm the details with him, I will share it with you! But know that I am very excited and happy.
Who knows if this will work out, but I am hopeful and very excited to move on. (In India, ‘maybe’ seems to mean ‘yes’, ‘we’ll see’ tends to mean ‘not right now’ and ‘yes’ sometimes means ‘absolutely not’). But if it works out, I’ll be doing what I love, have the power to make creative and administrative decisions on my own, and not be weighed down by negativity and politics. I also will be completely autonomous (Hallelujah).
Cross your fingers and send positive vibes. I need them.
