So Far in 2012...

I know that every time I update my blog I pretty much say the same things:  “The past few months have been insane!” or “I am so inspired by this project and the people around me” or “I’m doing new and different things that are invigorating and fulfilling!”  But when I sat down to write this post, the same sentences ran through my head.  There’s no denying it: I love my job.

In the past few months, I have done so many things that are outside my comfort zone; things that I never thought I would be doing.  But I had no other choice but to dive right in and see what happens.  It’s scary at first to do something you’ve never done but at the same time, accomplishing the task makes you feel proud and capable.  I think that’s what drove me these past few months – the sense of pride that follows an especially arduous or uncomfortable task; the feeling that no matter what situation life throws at you, you can succeed.  What a wonderful feeling!

My life in 2012 so far…

1.     Classic Incantations tour – It has been so long since I’ve performed on stage (about 4 years).  I was terrified!  Performing is something you have to do continuously; otherwise you become rusty and nervous.  The things that happen on stage that are out of your control sometimes screw up the whole performance because you can’t think of anything else!  For example, in Delhi, the stage was too small to hold a whole orchestra and the soloists.  So the crew assembled a very wobbly platform at the front of the stage and I had to walk through the orchestra pit to get there.  I was wearing 3 ½ inch heels and almost fell over more than once walking up and down that thing.  On top of that, the crew left the backstage doors open and it was extremely cold.  I was shivering the whole time and felt miserable after the performance.  But picked myself back up and felt much better in Kolkata.  These things happen and you have to be prepared for anything. 

2.     The Oprah Party – Yes.  My friends.  I met Oprah at a party at the Godrej residence in Bombay!  She was coming to India to meet ARR and wanted to hear some of the talent from KMMC.  I conducted the choir while they sang a gospel piece (taught by a fellow teacher named Roshni).  The party was incredible and glamorous and the who’s who of Bollywood were all present.  I wish I could actually talk about what happened, but let’s say it was not fun, and it was not pleasant.  It’s not fun to be treated like a performing circus monkey.  That’s all I will say.  BUT I did get to meet Oprah.  That made up for everything!

3.     Recording for the Oscars – I had the most amazing opportunity to conduct the KMMC Chamber Choir at Yash Raj studios.  They sang a very beautiful ambient version of ‘What a Wonderful World’ for the ‘In Memoriam’ part of the Oscars that shows video clips of actors who passed away that year.  I was super excited to work with sound engineer Alan Meyerson and standing there in the large orchestra recording room, wearing headphones, and waving my little pencil around was surreal and utterly thrilling.  The students were filmed singing.  What a wonderful experience!

4.     Writing film synopsis’ – ARR has been bouncing around a few film ideas and needed someone to write the synopsis which includes the basics: logline, high concept pitch, settings, locations, characters, and plot.  I was thrilled to get this project because I haven’t written anything significant in a long time.  (I was one of those crazy people in high school and college who loved writing papers).  But I was simultaneously unsure about the whole thing.  First of all, I had no idea what all of those terms were or how they should be written.  It took some time asking friends who are in the business and doing research online to understand what exactly was needed from me.  On top of that, the subject matter of the film was so bizarre and out of my realm of knowledge and experience, I had to do a lot of research to execute the project.  But I did it and the first one was approved!  He liked my writing style and although many versions and edits had to be written (by many, I mean MANY), I learned so much from the whole experience and it left me feeling confident and invigorated.  The first film was approved and is on its way to production at the moment.  Who would’ve thought?  I have now been assigned to two more films!

5.    Current project – I can’t talk about it yet, but I had to basically compose, arrange, program, hold auditions, sing and train others by myself in a genre that is completely outside my comfort zone.  As a learned Western Classical musician, this was a task that was extremely daunting but we started about a month ago and I’ve been in the recording studio non-stop for the past two weeks and day-by-day the process is getting easier.  I’ve had to stop and start over many many times because it wasn’t quite what ARR was looking for (There were almost 10 prototypes before this current one).  But it has definitely been an adventure and I’ve learned so much in the past few weeks!

I know that this is just the beginning.  More projects are going to be thrown my way and they’re most likely going to be difficult and frustrating.  But how wonderful it feels to know you’ve succeeded!  The feeling of accomplishment, the pride, the happiness: it’s really the best feeling in the world.  I sometimes forget how lucky I am. 

Knock on wood, let’s hope for an even more adventurous 2^nd half of 2012!

Yash Raj Studios

The first few days of the tour were spent in Mumbai, rehearsing and recording with the Babelsberg film orchestra and Hollywood sound engineer Alan Meyerson at Yash Raj Film Studios.  The campus is beautiful - manicured lawns, lush greenery and flowers line the edges of the plot and those who need a moment to think can hang out in the Artist's Lounge or sit in the Atrium.  I was particularly impressed with the amount of land that had been acquired to house 3 sound stages, an audio wing, a massive film mix theater, and a recording theater that can fit an 80 piece orchestra with an attached monitor room that is twice the size of my apartment.  We took a short tour around the campus and there were quite a few moments of "Wait.  Where am I?!"  The experience was amazing and finally getting to meet Alan was wonderful.

YRF Studios, Main Building

Film Mix Theater

Foley Studio

The Recording Theater - this is where we met the orchestra for the first time and had our first rehearsal with Matt Dunkley and ARR.  This is also where we recorded 'What a Wonderful World' for the Oscars!

First rehearsal with Matt, choir, ARR and orchestra

Alan was so excited to show me the final mix of Lord of the Rings and said such nice things to me about my voice.  I was absolutely speechless and listened to him with delight and total bewilderment.  The whole time I kept thinking, "Alan Meyerson… Inception… Alan Meyerson… Pirates… Alan Meyerson… Sherlock Holmes… "  The best compliment he gave me though was, "It's a voice that crosses the boundaries of style and genre." I don't know if non-musicians would fully comprehend the weight of that statement.  Most musicians feel pressure to fit within a category - to define their work and their talent based on other artists and absolute definitions.  I've always felt a pressure to conform to these definitions; to try and work towards a particular sound or strive to change my voice to fit within a category.  Music teachers, especially in America are at fault here too.  "Bigger bigger bigger!  Push push push!  Darker darker darker!"  The problem with this is… my voice will always be my voice.  I can improve the support, I can get fit and increase my energy, I can work on breathing and technique… but the actual sound of my voice, the timbre will change only a little bit.  Alan helped me understand and appreciate the voice I have because it pulls from various influences yet doesn't conform to any one style or genre.  For that, I am grateful.

I enjoy singing everything from Pop, Gospel, Bollywood and Fado, to Musical Theatre and Opera.  And if I can do it, why shouldn't I? :)

Make a Change

Dear Friends,

I know I haven't written in a very long time and I apologize.  I would go to this page every couple weeks or so and think about what I could write about.  It then occurred to me after many failed attempts that I really had nothing to say.  Things here had gotten so… negative.  When I first arrived in Chennai, every day was an adventure.  Every day I would wake up feeling inspired, excited, motivated to teach, sing, and use my creative ideas in a positive way to build this institution.  And I have felt like that every year - until now.  I realized this year that I had done everything I could do to change this place and that there was nothing more I could do or say. This institution won't change for the better unless some very specific key things happen that most likely won't.  I came to the end of my tether about a month ago and realized I had some important decisions to make.

All I know is this:  I strive every day to make a difference.  I strive every day to be honest and fight for what's good.  I strive every day to build system and protocol that provides accountability and justice.  I have tried for the past three and a half years to be the best teacher, the best friend, the best guru, the best leader, and the best therapist, but I have not received even a small slice of appreciation for it - rather the opposite.  This entire experience has made me realize that people in India don't like to see you succeed, and when they feel threatened by you, they start creating fictitious rumors, politics, and drama against you that are baseless and random.  I have also realized in this experience that some people just live in an alternate universe of irrationality - one that they have lived in their whole lives.  For these people, logic and reason are just as erroneous as seeing a dog fly.  Thankfully, Mr. Boss doesn't believe everything he hears, has a good heart, and understands when someone is genuinely trying to do good in the world.

I’m sure some of my Facebook statuses have been depressing and filled with rage for the past few months.  As it is the last year of my twenties, I finally decided to make changes in my life before I reach the big 3-0:  I quit my job at KMMC and am moving on to bigger and better things.

I have been working on an idea for the past few months that may prove to be quite fruitful – creating and running my own opera/performance company in India.  I have discussed it with Rahman and he’s on board.  Once I confirm the details with him, I will share it with you!  But know that I am very excited and happy.

Who knows if this will work out, but I am hopeful and very excited to move on.  (In India, ‘maybe’ seems to mean ‘yes’, ‘we’ll see’ tends to mean ‘not right now’ and ‘yes’ sometimes means ‘absolutely not’).  But if it works out, I’ll be doing what I love, have the power to make creative and administrative decisions on my own, and not be weighed down by negativity and politics.  I also will be completely autonomous (Hallelujah).

Cross your fingers and send positive vibes.  I need them.

Teaching

I now spend almost every day of my life teaching - Classical repertoire, Choral, Musical Theatre, Academic skills, etc. Most of the time I forget why I do it and what it does for me. But every so often there's a moment of realization and poignant understanding of the effect and purpose of my actions. In my opinion there is a gentle balance in life. I generally strive to give back as much as I take. Yes, since I've been living in India, I have lived quite the extravagant lifestyle: 5-star dinners, tropical vacations, driving around the countryside on my moped and loving every minute of it. Sometimes I take these things for granted and more often than not, the poverty of Chennai and the modest lifestyles people lead here fill me with guilt and despair. But every now and then, I realize that I am giving back; that I do effect people on a daily basis, and that I am cultivating knowledge and talent through a universal language: Music.

There's nothing quite as fulfilling as introducing a new world to another person. The students at KMMC don't quite know what they're getting themselves into when they join KM. They have never heard Western Classical music, and their knowledge of western music in general is Shakira and Lady Gaga. And usually, in the beginning of their Foundation year, their eyes fill with doubt and cynicism when I begin to teach western technique and make them listen to lieder, chanson, and operatic arias. But at some point during the year, there is a moment of realization: the moment when their eyes begin to sparkle when they hear a new piece; the moment when they can make their own connection between Hindustani and Western technique; the moment when they decide to take their own initiative to learn something new based on what I've taught them. That moment is what every educator waits for. It is inspiring.

If you haven't seen it already, below is what I have been working on for the past three years. I am proud of my students for the work they have put in, and proud of myself for sticking it out and giving it my best. Enjoy!

Go to the KMMC youtube page for more!

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa

My student Mugdha Hasabnis made one final appearance on the Sa Re Ga Ma Pa finale!

Maaralente

A few months ago, I transcribed some choral samples for AR for a Telagu film called 'Komaram Puli' and conducted the KMMC Chamber Choir to record on the third track called 'Maaralente'. It was a great experience and I got a chance to improve my ability to take musical dictation. Man, it's tough! Check it out!

Mugdha Hasabnis

UPDATE: Mugdha mentioned my name on the Sa Re Ga Ma Pa website! Check it out!
http://srgmpss.zeetv.com/mugdha-hasabnis/

I am very proud of my student Mugdha Hasabnis who is doing a wonderful job singing on the 'American Idol' of India - Sa Re Ga Ma Pa! Here are some clips of her singing:





Cross your fingers for her! I am!

SO MANY THINGS!

I wish I had the time right now to write write write about everything that's happening, but ALAS! No time. Long story short:

1. School started mid-July and we immediately began preparing for KM Day - a concert that would showcase the hard work of last year's foundation students. The concert included choral pieces, western classical pieces, musical theater scenes, and a performance by faculty. I also helped put the event together, so I was super busy for weeks trying to get this thing running smoothly.

Highlights: The musical theater went well. The choir sang well. And one of my students screwed up so badly on his classical piece that I started hyperventilating and had to be taken outside where I cried hysterically for 5 minutes - and then had to go back inside and sing the laughing aria from the opera Die Fledermaus. Oh the irony.

2. Because KM Day went so well, Mr. Rahman decided to include us in his upcoming concert in Delhi on Aug 11 - "A.R. Rahman: Unplugged". We were ecstatic. We flew to Delhi (30 of us) and had a short but sweet holiday. We shared the stage with Kailash Kher and his band, Sivamani, Hariharan, and Sadhana Sargam in a concert commemorating the 50th anniversary of Doordarshan. It was glorious.




In other news: I will be participating in and performing in not one, but TWO Michael Jackson tribute concerts here in Chennai - and both of them are huge. One of them will be in a stadium which holds like 20,000 people. This should be interesting considering I've never sung for an audience larger than say, 2000, at the KAOCA conventions. And the second one will be smaller, but still important. I can't wait.

More news to come! Stay tuned...

Photo Shoot/Recording/Home

A few weeks ago, the faculty of KM was approached by an organization called Global Adjustments that helps expatriates in India assimilate to the local culture. Founded by Ranjini Manian, the organization helps expats integrate by helping them with basic language skills, offering a range of different classes including cooking and yoga, and helping expats find housing in cities such as Chennai and Bombay. After the Martin Luther King tribute concert in February, Global Adjustments contacted Ariel Howard, a consul for the American Consulate in Chennai, and asked if we might be interested in being their feature story for the month of April. We agreed.

Eilidh, Michael, Josh, Alison and I went to their corporate office in the RA Puram area of Chennai for the interview. Ariel got to conduct the interview and her questions were concise and delightfully thought-provoking. (At this point, we were dreading interviews because for the whole month of February and the beginning of March we were only asked questions like "how do you feel about Rahman's Oscar win?" Well, duh. How do you think we feel? Disappointed?) We came back to the office a couple weeks later for the photo shoot. The article was featured in the ex-pat magazine, At a Glance.
It ended up being quite a fun experience.
_________

In other news, I had a brief but exciting project to finish for Rahman that was challenging and incredibly fulfilling. He was working on a leitmotiv for a specific character in a Telagu film called 'Puli'. A leitmotiv is just a recurring theme that is associated with one character, or idea. The theme was going to play every time the Hero made an entrance. He wanted it to be dark, intense and include the KM Chamber choir which I conduct. This experience was incredibly challenging because I had to go into the studio and try and figure out what kind of sound he was looking for, take the sound clip, dictate the notes and transcribe it onto manuscript paper and THEN teach the choir the piece, and record it. We had to do this in two days. I have never been good at taking dictation. I don't have perfect pitch and when there are multiple harmonies going on, it can be quite difficult. Alison helped tremendously with the choral part - we worked on it together for a few hours and then she stayed up all night transcribing the harmonies. Then the next morning I transcribed a two part melody and added English and Latin text. The students were ecstatic. I feel like they finally started to understand why I harp at them for the smallest details. Especially when you're recording, the microphone picks up EVERYTHING, and what it picks up, is not necessarily accurate. Some exquisite live singers sound horrible on recordings and most of the time, people who sound great on recordings, suck live. In any case, we all had a good time, the students were thrilled, and Rahman said it was a job well done. Nice.

When Alison and I were in the studio trying to figure everything out, Rahman came in and asked us to step out for a second. He said "I want you to meet someone." Outside was an older, very dignified woman, sitting on a bench wearing a white and red cotton sari. She looked proud and distinguished. Of course, I had no idea who she was and when that was obvious Rahman introduced us. "This is P. Susheela. She is my favorite singer by far."
She was very sweet.
_________

And finally,
I'm HOME I'm HOME I'm HOME!

As much fun as I've had this year in India, I have to say, it's good to be back. Today is my second day at home and I'm feeling a genuine mixture of emotions that range from total relief to utter confusion. My body first of all, has no idea where it is or what time it is - I know this because I'm writing this at 5:30 in the morning with a splitting headache. It'll take a few days I guess.

I have already begun binge eating my favorite foods - let the weight gain commence. Taco Bell and Konkani food down, Sushi and In n Out to go...

End of the Year Concert

We had a small end of the year concert - CNN randomly made a last-minute appearance! I thought the cameras were just there to tape the concert for KM's records so I had no idea the whole time. Crazy! All departments performed: strings, percussion, piano and voice. Since we just had a vocal concert recently, I had the choir sing instead of individual vocal performances. The Chamber Choir sang "Ave Maria" by Vittoria, the KM Choir sang "Regina Coeli" by Mozart, and my vocal students sang a choral rendition of "You'll Never Walk Alone" from the musical Carousel.



Some pics from the concert
Photography by Claire Ronsin

From Concert 4.14.09

From Concert 4.14.09

From Concert 4.14.09

From Concert 4.14.09

From Concert 4.14.09

Musical Theater Concert

Musical Theater Concert
3.28.09
Students of Kavita Baliga
Choreography by Kavita, All Students, and YouTube.
Photography and Editing by Claire Ronsin
The slideshow will be posted on the official KM website!




If you want to see close-ups of the actual pics, go to the km voice website: www.kmvoice.weebly.com. Click on Pictures.

Life in Chennai

It's amazing how one can adapt to any situation, environment, climate, or culture if given enough time. We as humans are fascinating and complicated creatures, aren't we? Before I came to India I just kept thinking... "Me... in India. ME? Is this seriously going to happen? Ah, I can probably rough it for a year. But ONLY a year! There's no way I can stand any more than a year. No toilet paper. No showing skin. No social life. Too hot. Too humid. Yes. Sounds like a plan. Only for a year" But now that I'm here, and have been living here for 8 months, I've grown to love this town. I've grown accustomed to the culture, even though I don't necessarily agree with all of it. I have my designated haunts. I have friends - within the conservatory, and Rahman's team, as well as an invigorating and liberal xpat community - vagabond types from all over the world who have in one way or another found themselves for a short period of time, in Chennai. I love the plants and the trees - it's astonishing to me how a city can be as equally polluted as it is green. I love my freedom. I love the fact that I can afford things here - even though I'm making the equivalent of pocket change in America, I'm able to save more money than I ever have before. I have a cat named Edgar A. Poe who adores me. I have a job that challenges me. In essence, this is the first time that I've felt "at home" since actually living at home.

Although I'm appreciative of all the good in my life right now, I can't help but be overcome with anger about the negative aspects of India living. My two examples both have to do with discrimination but in very different ways:

#1 - Misogyny.

I've never in all my life felt discriminated against for being a woman, until I came here. I constantly feel like I have to "prove" myself far more than my male colleagues. The female faculty isn't even considered when it comes to delegating responsibility - especially for administrative/budgeting tasks; or anything that has to do with organization or math. If I'm at a meeting, and come up with a great idea about an upcoming concert or event, I have to say it about two or three times before I'm heard. Or I'll say it once - and then one of the men will repeat it - and proceed to get all the credit. Everyone knows me and how I work. Obviously I can't really stand for that kind of despicable chauvinistic behavior. Group meetings are usually a disaster because I end up standing up and shouting, "HEY. LIPS MOVING. I'M TALKING." I wait for silence and then proceed. ( I realize this probably isn't the best strategy. But in the moment I can't help but snap.) A feverish argument with my superior, with uncontrolled, hysterical name calling ended with him saying "You can't talk to me like that. You're a woman!" Regardless of how inappropriate my conduct was, I was struck by his last words. He wasn't bothered by my behavior as his subordinate. He was bothered by my behavior as a woman.

Being here, there is a constant feeling of nervousness, and claustrophobia, akin to being a caged animal at a zoo where hundreds of people come to leer at you; some with childish excitement, some with curiosity, some with suspicion, and others with resentment, lust and anger. How does one deal with all these mixed emotions?

One of my students told me a story about how there was an older man, a man in is late 40's, early 50's touching a girl not more than 12 years old. They were standing next to the rickshaw stand not twenty feet from the KM school gates and he was reaching, quite conspicuously, under her skirt. The rickshaw drivers were standing in front of them, almost in a protective manner. My student said to her friend, "Oh my god, look what's happening! We need to DO something!" The 12 year old girl turned and looked at my student and shrugged. The older man gave her a menacing look and continued. Her friend said "Why should we do anything? If the little girl doesn't care, why should we?"

#2 The Consequences of being an ABCD

MONEY: I don't know what it is about this place, but I'm under the constant impression that somehow, in some way, I'm being cheated out of money on a daily basis. There could be two reasons for this:
1. I've finally begun to nibble on the candy bar of self-earned wealth and have become a paranoid, greedy shrew.
2. I'm actually being cheated out of money.
I'm leaning toward the latter, although the first could very well be the case.

I have never experienced racial discrimination in the states...myself. Maybe I'm totally oblivious to it. I don't know. But I have never felt that I was being treated differently than others, or that I was unwelcome because of my culture, etc. etc. Maybe I've just been totally ignorant to it, but maybe that's a good thing. Growing up in California, I would have to say that I had a very easy childhood. I had a multi-cultural group of close friends: White, Indian, Filipino, Guamanian, Salvadorian, Chinese; Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Hindu, Agnostic etc. Our cultural backgrounds were never a reason for conflict and we enjoyed experiencing each other's lifestyles. Our differences were an asset to our friendships. I realize in my nostalgia, I'm probably looking back through idealized lenses, but I really appreciate the effect that this group had on my life.

I was shocked to find, after coming here, that I was being racially discriminated against. How is that even possible, you might ask, being that I am Indian and I'm living in India. Well, two reasons. 1. My skin color is an immediate indicator that I'm not Tamilian. If I'm not Tamilian, what am I to them? From the north. What does that mean? It means I have money. 2. The minute I open my mouth, it's obvious that I'm from America. What does that mean? That I have money.

Because of these two factors, I constantly have the nagging feeling that I'm being cheated out of rupees every single day. The first example, is the obvious one:

Auto-Ricksaws: Remember in Chennai, they don't use the meter. If I open my mouth and speak to them in English, the price goes up by 50 rupees during the day and almost 100 rupees at night. If I speak to them in Konkani with a pained, slightly confused expression on my face and insert key English words into the phrase, the price goes down by 50 rupees, and the driver usually ends up treating me like a concerned parent would. If I'm with a Tamilian the price goes down even further by 10 or 20 rupees, I am greeted with a smile, a helping hand, and safe driving. So to go to say, Spencer Plaza, which is about a 25 minute drive, the price could be anywhere from 60 rupees to 150 during the day, and 80 to 200 at night.

The Workplace: Auto-rickshaws cheating you, fine. But I assumed that in the workplace, where there are legally binding documents and contracts, it would be impossible to go back on your word. Wrong. I can't get into specifics, but I will say this: In my original contract, I was supposed to get paid a specific dollar amount, meaning, I was told I would be paid in rupees, based on the INR-USD current exchange rate. That didn't happen. What I am getting paid now is 68% of what my original contract stated because of the exchange rate fluctuations. We have had multiple meetings, discussions, and have filed complaints - yet this issue is deliberately, and casually, overlooked.

Discrimination on our side: It's amazing to me how perfectly sane people can sometimes go crazy when all of a sudden they find themselves in a position of power. It's obvious that if you have money here, you can live very lavishly. There are so many people around to help you in India. There are always servants, cooks, watchmen. All of these people are paid to help you in some way: carry groceries, fetch necessities, clean house etc. But I've recently been appalled by how some people have been treating the help. I can't be specific, but I'm starting to learn, that regardless of cultural background and actual wealth, the minute human beings have a team of people helping them, they start to become unappreciative, demanding, and rude. In essence, I've watched the slow transformation of some of my friends here from one extreme to another. Why does power and position give people the right to treat others badly? Screaming at the help for minor details, making them feel flustered and worthless through condescension because of their position in life, is nothing short of bigotry in my opinion. How does that transformation happen?

Is this all a petty rant? I don't know. But something has to be done. Women need to be empowered in this society. Sex education needs to be taught in schools so young boys and girls know what is right and wrong - they need to be aware of the repercussions of sexual abuse and need to know how and where to get help. Locals need to be educated and understand that even though someone might be from abroad, they could very well not have a penny to their name. They need to learn not to see dollar signs in the blue of Caucasian eyes and not discriminate based on skin color. Contracts need to be legally binding - what's the point of writing anything down if it doesn't mean anything??

Ms. Teacher

We all have good days and bad days, but as a teacher, you have to constantly put on a happy face and not let personal issues interfere with your teaching. Not that I have super dramatic personal issues, but I've been starting to feel a little claustrophobic here, and bored of my daily routine. Every day is the same, all the people are the same, the students are the same, the situations are the same, the conflicts are the same, the meetings are tedious and boring and end with no conclusion, etc. etc..

So yesterday morning, I metaphorically hit a brick wall when I came into choir and found that not one of the students had even looked at the music that I had given them almost four weeks ago. I have been spending every class period going over the same material over and over again because they don't work on it on their own. The choir is made up of all the students in the school - including piano, composition, string, and percussion majors. I agree that it is beneficial for everyone to be able to sight sing and for people who aren't used to hearing harmony, it's definitely a good introduction to have to sing different melodies together. But to teach a class of 43 with about a good 25% disinterested is something else. There's no point. The vocal students are being held back because they can learn the vocal lines quickly and the people who are disinterested get increasingly bored and frustrated because they haven't learned the part and we have to then go over the same parts repeatedly. I have set some pretty strict rules when it comes to being on time to class, and learning the music. I have given quizzes where people have just plain failed because they hadn't learned their part. What more can I do? If they don’t learn their part and don’t care about failing, there’s really nothing more.

I’m generally pretty well put together, especially in public. But my frustration and annoyance had gotten to a point where I just couldn’t handle it anymore and so I just started crying in front of everyone and screaming “What is the matter with you people! You’re lazy and unappreciative! What more do I have to do to get you to work harder?! Why don’t you want to learn!” etc. etc. My grievances were met with shocked sideways glances, clasped hands and feet staring.

And then with a overly- dramatic pause, I slowly closed the book and said “class dismissed.” and walked out a half hour before class was supposed to end. In retrospect it’s actually quite comical.

I’m sure this is not abnormal, but after leaving the class, I was totally and utterly mortified and was ready to pack my bags and leave immediately. But of course I couldn’t do that. So I did the next best thing. I came home and furiously cleaned my apartment.

45 minutes later I get a knock on my door and it’s the watchman who’s come to tell me that some of the students are here. I’m thinking, “um, they’re not allowed in the faculty house..” and then I see that three of them have come to talk. Apparently after I left, these three decided they needed to have an emergency student meeting to discuss the dire situation. So they came to me with a thorough and detailed proposal on how I should continue with the chorus with strategies on how to keep people interested. How cute is that? They basically said the problem is the difference in teaching methods between the east and west. Here there is a distinct hierarchy between administration, teachers and students and there really is no method to teaching other than “do it or fail.” Or worse, “do it or get hit.” They said basically that I’m just too nice and shouldn’t treat them with respect or as equals, and admitted that it’s difficult to be motivated without someone threatening them. Hmm… that’s a tricky situation because I’m not exactly the threatening or beating type.

Anyway, in the end, I’m happy that they got freaked out a bit by my reaction… no more mr. nice teacher. Hopefully next class will be better.

In more exciting news, we had our first vocal student recital on Friday and both Selva and Rahman came. The students were accompanied by Robert on harpsichord and Eilidh on cello; and for the students who did musical theater songs, I played for them on the piano. I was so nervous – more nervous than the kids. I used to think that it was so egotistical for teachers to think that how well the students did is a reflection on them. But now I completely understand. I also somewhat understand parenting I suppose by default. But anyway, I was like sweating profusely and running around like a chicken with its head off.

It turned out to be a wonderful concert and both Selva and Rahman loved it. Yay!
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So I wrote this last week right after choir class and have since had another class with them. They still hadn't looked at the material even a little bit, so I just sighed out loud, and announced a pop-midterm. Only 25 of the students were there today out of 42 and I just calmly said "will you please tell the students who are not here, that they have just failed their midterm." I called them one by one in front of the class and asked them to sing their part. About 2/3 of the class failed. The rest got Bs and Cs.

Hopefully this method will work.